


Downfall

by Eggling



Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who (1963)
Genre: Angst, M/M, coda to the Glorious Revolution, so it's a touch spoilery though it doesn't make too many references
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-08
Updated: 2017-04-08
Packaged: 2018-10-16 09:01:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,069
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10568028
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Eggling/pseuds/Eggling
Summary: Jamie and the Doctor cope with the aftermath of the Glorious Revolution.





	

**Author's Note:**

> for [ettelwenailinon](ettelwenailinon.tumblr.com).

“Jamie?”

The Doctor peered anxiously through doorways as he wandered along the TARDIS’ corridors. It would be so easy for Jamie to be lost inside forever, he thought. The TARDIS could be a dangerous place – not even he knew what lay inside all the rooms, and Jamie was only human. The temporal mechanics were potentially devastating, particularly with Jamie’s recent exposure to paradox forces. And with Jamie in his current state of mind – he would never forgive himself if anything happened to him in his great labyrinth of a ship.

Stopping at last in the doorway of his own study, he saw Jamie sitting on the floor before the fireplace, staring into its depths, his expression haunted. The Doctor stepped forwards, instinct driving him to comfort Jamie, but he paused. What if Jamie did not want to see him? Would it be better to leave him in peace, to mourn his family and think over the day’s events himself? No, he thought. Jamie had come to his study. Surely he was expecting the Doctor to arrive at some point. He wanted to talk to him, even if only subconsciously.

“I know you’re there, ye know.” The sound of Jamie’s voice, breaking the silence before he had even resolved his own inner turmoil, startled the Doctor. Jamie had not even looked away from the fireplace when he spoke, though he turned around after a moment. “You’re never as quiet as ye think ye are.”

“I once surprised a Hallian,” the Doctor retorted. “And they’re amongst the deadliest predators in the galaxy.” He paused as Jamie considered this. “Deaf as a stone, though.” Jamie chuckled at that, but his eyes were still cold, his expression distant. The joke had been a trifle, a mere distraction from the matter at hand, and they both knew it. The Doctor knew it was his fault – he had done this. He should have explained himself better, have known his actions would hurt Jamie, but there had been no time. Hesitantly, he sat down beside Jamie, feeling him shift away, ignoring the spike of pain in his chest at that simple motion. “If I could save them – save _you_ all that pain – I would, you know.”

“Would ye, though?” Jamie’s voice was laced with unexpected venom, and he Doctor almost shrank back. “Or would ye let me hurt like this just because it doesnae fit with your vision of how the world should be?”

“Oh, Jamie.” The Doctor attempted to lay a comforting hand on his shoulder, but was shaken off. “I’d never – I really do mean it. I hate seeing you like this.”

“Then leave,” Jamie mumbled. The Doctor winced at the exhaustion in his voice.

“I can’t leave you to deal with this alone,” he said gently. “I know you would give anything to change certain, ah, events in your past.” Jamie nodded. “If you could go back and stop it from happening without ripping time apart, would you do it?”

Jamie paused, then nodded again, still not meeting the Doctor’s eyes, as if worried he would be angry. The Doctor was almost hurt by the very thought of it. He had calmed Jamie after he had woken up from nightmare after nightmare, crying out for dead friends, and sometimes even the Doctor himself. The memory of Jamie clinging desperately to him, shaking, burying his face in the Doctor’s shoulder to hide his tears, was one that he could never forget. He could not say that, if given he chance, he would do the same thing, just to say Jamie all that.

“So you regret fighting in the war?” Jamie shrugged. “You regret fighting at Culloden?” There was no response, so the Doctor continued, hoping that he was getting somewhere, that Jamie was not merely pushing him away. “You regret this? Meeting me, travelling in the TARDIS?” Jamie flinched. _Good_ , some rational, despicable part of himself whispered. _You’re bringing him around_. One last question remained, striking at his heart, making him feel as if he had been stabbed with a knife, its icy-cold, jagged edges tearing at him. There was only one way to remove such a knife, he thought, bracing himself for the worst. “You regret us?”

Jamie looked up at that, finally meeting his eyes, the blank expression on his face giving way to one of horror. “No!” he exclaimed. “I wouldnae – I cannae lose you too!”

“But if it hadn’t have been for Culloden, we would never have met,” the Doctor said. Jamie looked away again – he knew this, knew that he could not save himself or anyone else from his past. “I’m sorry, Jamie. We can’t save them. And it’s not because I don’t want to, or because I want to see you suffer – I hate seeing you like this. It’s because the universe just can’t cope.”

“We’re too much even for the universe,” Jamie managed after a moment, his voice shaky.

The Doctor smiled. “Sometimes I wonder.”

Jamie bit his lip, looking up at him nervously. “Why aren’t we hugging?”

The Doctor pulled him into a hug, half-dragging him across the carpet to cradle him between his legs. Jamie snuggled closer, wrapping his arms around him tightly, and the Doctor knew then that all his anger was gone, replaced by sadness. That was even worse, he thought. He could do nothing to help Jamie, to rid him of this pain. “I do love you, you know.”

“Aye, I know.” Jamie nuzzled into his neck, pressing them closer together, seeking the reassurance of contact. “I love ye too.”

“And if I could help you, I would. But I can’t.” He closed his eyes against the memory of Jamie’s fury at him. “I shouldn’t have been so upset with you.”

“I shouldn’t have done it,” Jamie said.

“You couldn’t have known what would happen,” the Doctor reassured him. “And I shouldn’t have blamed you for wanting your family back, and those memories gone.” Any reply Jamie might have given was muffled by a sob, and the Doctor rubbed his back reassuringly, as he had done a hundred times. “Come on,” he said after a moment, standing and holding out his hands. “Let’s get you to bed, then.” Jamie hesitated for a moment, clearly tempted by the thought of staying before the fire, comfortable and safe. “I’m not going anywhere, I promise.”

He beckoned again, and at last Jamie took his hands.


End file.
